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THINGS THAT 'P'
ME OFF |
Monkey, do you think Bill Clinton is an honest man?
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THINGS THAT 'P'
ME OFF |
| WHEN YOUR DERMATOLOGIST HAS A SKIN RASH WORST THAN YOURS ... LOOSING A FOOTBALL POOL WITHIN THE LAST FIVE SECONDS OF THE GAME ... JUKEBOXES SO LOUD YOU CAN'T HEAR YOURSELF THINK ... MISSPELLED GRAFFITTI ... SLOW TRAINS ... NOT KNOWING HOW THE TOASTER KNOWS WHEN THE BREAD IS DONE ... X-RATED MOVIES WITH PLOTS ... WHEN THE RADIO CALLS YOUR FAVORITE SONGS "THE MOLDY OLDIES" ... WHEN SOMEONE'S DOG HAS BETTER MANNERS THAN THEIR KIDS DO ... BECOMING ADDICTED TO NICOTINE PATCHES ... UGLY PLASTIC SURGEONS ... WHEN VERY OLD PEOPLE WIN THE LOTTERY ... HAVING TO WAIT TWO HOURS TO SEE THE DOCTOR AFTER MAKING AN APPOINTMENT ... VEGETARIANS WHO WEAR LEATHER SHOES ... WHEN YOU LEAVE BEHIND YOUR ATM RECEIPT AND THE NEXT PERSON LAUGHS ... SPRAYING YOUR ARMPITS WITH HAIRSPRAY ... GETTING BITTEN BY A PETTING ZOO ANIMAL ... WHEN FISHING IS BAD ... EGGSHELL IN THE OMELET ... WALKING UPHILL IN BIRKENSTOCKS ... TRYING TO FIND THE START OF A ROLL OF CLEAR TAPE ... WHEN THE COASTER LEAVES A RING ... "WATER SAVING" TOILETS YOU HAVE TO FLUSH TWICE ... TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE WORDS TO "LOUIE LOUIE" ... VALET PARKERS WHO PEEL OUT IN YOUR CAR ... WHEN A FORTUNE TELLER'S SHOP BURNS DOWN AFTER GIVING YOU ADVICE ... WHEN YOU FIND OUT YOUR CAR RUNS THE SAME ON REGULAR AS PREMIUM GAS ... WHEN THE DOG BARKS AT A DOORBELL AND IT'S ON THE TV ... WHEN THE WINNER OF THE ELECTION IS ANNOUNCED BEFORE YOU VOTE ... WHEN YOU RENT A MOVIE AND FIND OUT IT'S ON TV THAT NIGHT ... RUNNING OVER A SKUNK ... WHEN YOUR AIR FERN SUFFOCATES ... COLLECT CALLS ... A DENTIST WITH A GAP TOOTH SMILE ... PEOPLE WHO SAY "HOWDY" ... PEOPLE WHO SAY "DOODY" ... PEOPLE WHO DON'T TAKE DOWN THEIR GARAGE SALE SIGNS ... RESEMBLING A CRIMINAL FEATURED ON "AMERICAS MOST WANTED" ... BEING UNABLE TO GET PAST THE FIRST LEVEL OF A VIDEO GAME ... PAYCHECK WITHHOLDINGS ... CHILDPROOF BOTTLES ... RAIN CHECKS ... GETTING THE FINGER FROM A CHILD ... NOT BEING ABLE TO GET A LIVE PERSON ON THE PHONE ... SHIRT LABELS THAT RUB AND IRRITATE THE NAPE OF YOUR NECK ... UNINSURED MOTORISTS ... LIPSTICK ON A COFFEE CUP ... SLOW WAITRESSES ... THE LOOK YOU GET WHEN BUYING A BOX OF "ODOR EATERS" ... EAR RINGS EXCEPT ON A WOMAN'S EARS ... WHEN YOUR KID PLAYS WITH THE BOX INSTEAD OF THE TOY ... THAT JOHNNY CARSON ISN'T ON ANYMORE ... THE FACT THAT PHILADELPHIA BRAND CREAM CHEESE IS MADE IN CHICAGO ... UNDERCOOKED SPAGHETTI ... "LADY OF SPAIN" ON THE ACCORDION ... ACCORDION PLAYERS ... MAIL IN REBATES ... BLUE HAIR EXCEPT ON CLOWNS ... EXPRESS LANES THAT ACCEPT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU WITH TWO GROCERY CARTS FULL ... FINDING A HAIR IN YOUR FOOD ... GUYS OVER THE AGE OF 10 WHO WEAR THEIR BASEBALL CAPS BACKWARDS ... COUNTRY MUSIC STARS WHO WEAR TENNIS SHOES ... LIFETIME LIMITED WARRANTIES ... BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED ... GOING TO THE HARDWARE STORE TO BUY ONE BOLT AND HAVING TO BUY A PACKAGE OF 10 ... HOT BEER ... COLD COFFEE ... FURNITURE YOU HAVE TO PUT TOGETHER ... BARBECUED GOULASH ... FINDING OUT THE SPARE TIRE IS FLAT TOO ... RAINY WEEKENDS ... FAT DIETITIANS ... WEATHER FORECASTERS THAT NEVER LOOK OUT THE WINDOW ... THAT WOMEN CAN'T REMEMBER TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT BACK UP |
