Have you ever asked yourself...."why me", "why
my child",or "why my family"?
If so, then the answer is simple. You are one of God's Chosen Few.
You are special. God has picked you to carry out his will, to speak
his words, and to follow in his footsteps.
Here are a few inspirational stories and poems and a few cute jokes
(just 'cause I liked' em so much).
If you would like to add something to this page, just send me a line.
If any of these belong to you and I have not given you credit for it,
please let me know. It was not intentional and I would love to give credit where credit is
due!
Click on the titles or just scroll down to view them.
26 GUARDS
A CHILD'S ANGEL
SOME NEW THINGS TO PONDER
CUTE KOALA JOKE
IN THIS IS LOVE
ABBOT AND COSTELLO DO WINDOWS
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
ANSWER TO A BOYS PRAYER
A POEM FOR MOM AND DAD
KNICK KNACK
I BELIEVE IN YOU
THE BLESSING IN "NO"
FACTS OF LIFE
YOUNG WISDOM-OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES
GOT MILK? (GOD DOES)
26 Guards
A missionary on furlough told this true story while
visiting his home church in Michigan...
While serving at a small field hospital in Africa, every
two weeks I traveled by bicycle through
the jungle to a nearby city for supplies.This was a journey
of two days and required camping
overnight at the halfway point. On one of these
journeys, I arrived in the city where
I planned to collect money from a bank, purchase medicine
and supplies, and then begin my two-day
journey back to the field hospital. Upon arrival in the
city, I observed two men fighting,
one of whom had been seriously injured. I treated him for
his injuries and at the same time
witnessed to him of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I then traveled two days, camping overnight, and arrived
home without incident.
Two weeks later I repeated my journey. Upon arriving in the
city, I was approached
by the young man I had treated. He told me that he had
known I carried money and medicines.
He said, "Some friends and I followed you into the
jungle, knowing you would camp overnight.
We planned to kill you and take your money and drugs.
But just as we were about to move
into your camp, we saw that you were surrounded by 26 armed
guards."
At this I laughed and said that I was certainly all alone
out in that jungle campsite.
The young man pressed the point, guards. My five
friends also saw them and we all counted them.
It was because of those guards that we were afraid and left
you alone."
At this point in the sermon, one of the men in the
congregation jumped to his feet and interrupted
the missionary and asked if he could tell him the exact day
that this happened.
The missionary told the congregation the date and the man
who interrupted told him this
story: "On the night of your incident in Africa
it was morning here and I was preparing to go play golf.
I was about to putt when I felt the urge to pray for you.
In fact, the urging of the Lord was
so strong, I called men in this church to meet with
me here in the sanctuary to pray for you.
Would all of those men who met with me on that day
stand up?"
The men who had met together to pray that day stood up. The
missionary wasn't concerned with who
they were-he was to busy counting how nmany men he saw.
There were 26.
**This story is an incredible exampleof how the Spirit of
the Lord moves in mysterious ways.
If you ever hear such prodding, go along with it. Nothing
is ever hurt by prayer except
the gates of hell. I encourage you to forward
this to as many people as you know.
If we all take it to heart, we can turn this world towards
Christ once again.
As the above true story clearly illustrates,"with God
all things are possible"
and more importantly, how God hears and answers the prayers
of the faithful.
After you read this, please pause and give God thanks for
the beautiful gift
of your faith, for the powerful gift of prayer, and for the
many miracles
He works in your own daily life... and then pass it on...
TOP
A Child's Angel
Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God:
They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live
there being so small and helpless?
Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and
will take care of you.
But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile,
that's enough for me to be happy.
Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you
will feel your angel's love and be happy.
And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't
know the language that men talk?
Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever
hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.
And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?
Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.
I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?
Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.
But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.
Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you
to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could
already be hard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:
Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name
Your angel's name is of no importance. You will call your angel: Mommy
Some New Things to
Ponder
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?
Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts,"
and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale
bread to begin with.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car
not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be
that "I do " is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can
be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked
and dry cleaners depressed?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you
will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to
be sure?
TOP
CUTE KOALA JOKE
A koala bear walks into a bar, sits down, orders a hamburger and a beer.
He eats the burger, drinks the beer, stands up and shoots the bartender
in the foot and proceeds to leave the bar. The bartender stands up (as
best he can) and yells after the koala, "Why did you did you shoot me?
Just who do you think you are?" The koala replies, "Sir,
go look it up in the dictionary." The bartender asks the koala what he
means by that. The koala bear replies, "Koala, (then the Latin term for
koala), A furry, chubby animal that lives in Australia. Eats shoots and
leaves."
TOP
IN THIS IS LOVE
Before the very dawn of time,
Before the earth was round;
Before there was a sight to see,
Or what we know as sound...
God formed you then, within His mind
With expertise and care;
He planned each detail in advance,
He numbered every hair.
He picked your very temperament,
He planned your every day;
He knew exactly what you'd do
And just what you would say.
He chose you then to be His own,
To live with Him on high;
He wrote you on His very palms,
The apple of His eye.
He made you gifts to pleasure you,
To brighten up your eyes;
He made the earth, He made the sea,
He made the endless skies.
To bring you joy, He made the birds,
To see you smile, the flowers;
To comfort you when things go wrong
He made the springtime showers.
He gave His angels a command
To guard in all you do,
Because you're precious in His sight
He did all this for you.
And when He saw you steeped in sin,
With love personified
He cloaked Himself in human flesh,
Came down to earth, and died.
With His own blood He paid the price,
He washed your sins away;
With love so great it conquered death,
He rose on the third day.
And now He sits upon His throne
In heaven up above;
He's waiting there to hold you close,
And all because of Love!
-Connie Hinnen
"In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent
his Son as expiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10
TOP
Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbott: Yes, Lou?
Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbott: That's great Lou. What did you get?
Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive,
and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbott: That's terrific, Lou.
Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbott: You will in time.
Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbott: Oh?
Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbott: Well, I don't know-
Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going
to train me.
Abbott: Really?
Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?
Costello: I have no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should
be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbott: That's true.
Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it
off. What do I do?
Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbott: I know, you press the Start button-
Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to
start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbott: I did.
Costello: When?
Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.
Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbott: To shut off the computer.
Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbott: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
Costello: I knew it! So what do I press?
Abbott: Start.
Costello: Start what?
Abbott: Start button.
Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbott: Shut down.
Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbott: To shut down the computer, press-
Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?
Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing
to press the Stop button,
the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the
Start to Stop.
Abbott: But that's what you do.
Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbott: Don't be ridiculous.
Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about
time we started this conversation.
Abbott: What are you talking about?
Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.
Its funny how you have heard them all before but are worth repeating
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear.
4. Don't spend all you have.
5. Don't sleep all you want.
6. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
7. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
8. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
9. Believe in love at first sight.
10. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
11. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to
live life completely.
12. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
13. Don't judge people by their relatives.
14. Talk slowly, but think quick.
15. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,
"Why do you want to know?"
16. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
17. Call your parents.
18. Say, "God bless you," when you hear someone sneeze.
19. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
20. Remember the three R's: respect for self; respect for others;
responsibility for all your actions.
21. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
22. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
23. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
24. Marry a person you love to talk to. As you get older, his or her
conversational skills will be as important as any other.
25. Spend some time alone.
26. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
27. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
28. Read more books and watch less TV.
29. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get
to enjoy it a second time.
30. Trust in God but lock your car.
31. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a
tranquil, harmonious home.
32. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with a current situation. Don't
bring up the past.
33. Read between the lines.
34. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
35. Be gentle with the earth.
36. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
37. Never interrupt when you are being flattered. Say, "Thank you,"
38. Mind your own business.
39. Don't trust a person who doesn't close his or her eyes when you kiss them.
40. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
41. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are
living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
42. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes stroke of luck.
43. Learn the rules, then break some.
44. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is
greater than your need for each other.
45. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
46. Remember that your character is your destiny.
47. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
A little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on
Broadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with
cold.
A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking
so earnestly in that window?"
"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boys reply.
The lady took him by the hand and went into the store, and asked the clerk
to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could
give her a basin of water and a towel he quickly brought them to her. She
took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves,
knelt down, washed his little feet and dried them with a towel.
By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon
the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes, and tying up the
remaining pairs of socks, gave them to him. She patted him on the head
and said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?"
As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up
in her face, with tears in his eyes, answered the question with these words,
"Are you God's Wife?"
TOP
A Poem for Moms and Dads
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot
May I lie back--not have to think
about what they're stuffing down the sink,
or who they're with, or where they're at
and what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean--
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know--
I must have lost them long ago!
TOP
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the
teller. He can see from her nameplate that the
teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms.
Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and
go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in
disbelief and asks how much he wants to
borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks
his name and the frog says that his name is
Kermit Jagger and that it's okay, he knows the
bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a
substantial amount of money and that he will
need to secure some collateral against the loan.
She asks if he has anything he can use as
collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this,"
And he produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant,
about half an inch tall. It's bright pink and
perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains
that she'll have to consult with the manager;
and disappears into a back office. She finds the
manager and reports: "There's a frog called
Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know
you, and he wants to borrow $30,000. And he
wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the
tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is
this?" So the bank manager looks back at her
and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give
the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
TOP
I BELIEVE IN YOU
THE BLESSING IN "NO"
I asked God to take away my pride.
God said "No".
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said "No".
Her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said "No".
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said "No".
I give you blessings, happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said "No".
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said "No".
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said "No".
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others,
as much as he loves me.
God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea!
What if, GOD couldn't take the time to bless us today
because we couldn't take the time to thank HIM yesterday?
What if, GOD decided to stop leading us tomorrow
because we didn't follow HIM today?
What if, we never saw another flower bloom
because we grumbled when GOD sent the rain?
What if, GOD didn't walk with us today
because we failed to recognize it as His day?
What if, GOD took away His message
because we failed to listen to the messenger?
What if, GOD didn't send His only begotten Son
because He wanted us to be prepared to pay the price for sin?
What if, the door of the church was closed
because we did not open the door of our heart?
What if, GOD stopped loving and caring for us,
because we failed to love and care for others?
What if, GOD would not hear us today
because we would not listen to Him yesterday?
What if, GOD answered our prayers
the way we answer His call to service?
What if, GOD met our needs
the way we give Him our lives???
TOP
FACTS OF LIFE
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their
diets.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but
eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put
them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a
woman gain five pounds.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes
away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now
I am so far behind, I will live forever.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to
ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling."
**caution - leave air holes.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the
right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what
I'm doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you
stop laughing.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my pantyhose on fire.
As you get older, the hurrier you go the behinder you get.
WOMEN: Remember, as we get older we no longer have hot flashes. We now
have power surges.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it
shrinks two sizes.
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your
hips.
Age is important only if you're a cheese.
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is
expecting a baby.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can
usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards??
Seen it all, done it all, but can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. No where is this
more true than in corporate America.
TOP
Young Wisdom-Out of the Mouths
of Babes
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On
returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy
kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think
it's
printed on the bottom."
*****
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed
the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the
wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid
me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."
*****
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone
has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the
back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
*****
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began
putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers
and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother
asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy
explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
*****
Can people predict the future with cards? My mother can. Really? Yes,
she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when
my father gets home.
*****
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened
to the flea?"
*****
A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was
reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And
lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN."
TOP
A young man had been to Wednesday night Bible Study. The Pastor had shared
about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice. The young man
couldn't
help but wonder, "Does God still speak to people?"
After service he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they
discussed the message. Several different ones talked about how God had
led
them in different ways. It was about ten o'clock when the young man started
driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray,
"God.. If you still speak to people speak to me. I will listen.. I will do
my best to obey."
As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought,
stop and buy a gallon of milk. He shook his head and said out loud, "God
is
that you?"
He didn't get a reply and started on toward home. But again, the thought,
buy a gallon of milk. The young man thought about Samuel and how he didn't
recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli..
"Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk."
It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the
milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward
home. As he passed Seventh street, he again felt the urge "Turn down that
street."
This is crazy he thought and drove on pass the intersection.. Again, he
felt that he should turn down seventh street. At the next intersection,
he
turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud, "Okay,
God, I will"..
He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He
pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi-commercial area
of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either.
The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the
people were already in bed..
Again, he sensed something, "Go and give the milk to the people in the
house across the street." The young man looked at the house. It was dark
and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep..
He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. "Lord, this
is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to
be mad and I will look stupid."
Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk. Finally, he opened the
door, "Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give
them
the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want
to be
obedient. I guess that will count for something but if they don't answer
right away, I am out of here."
He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise
inside. A man's voice yelled out, "Who is it?
What do you want?"
Then the door opened before the young man could get away. The man was
standing there in his jeans and t-shirt. He looked like he just got
out of
bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem to happy to have
some stranger standing on his doorstep..
"What is it?"
The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, "Here, I brought this to you."
The man took the milk and rushed down a hall way speaking loudly in
Spanish..
Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen..
The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying.. The man
had tears streaming down his face. The man began speaking and half crying,
"We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran out of
money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking
God to show me how to get some milk."
His wife in the kitchen yelled out, "I ask him to send an Angel with
some...Are you an Angel?" The young man reached into his wallet and
pulled
out all the money he had on him and put in the man's hand. He turned and
walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face..
He knew that God still answers prayers and that God still speaks to His people..
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